And I Simply Pushed You Away

Behave.” he said in a low tone, but the underlying anger can’t be missed.

I am drunk, Vivaan. I don’t need to behave. For just one night, I want to be real me. I want to be yours. I want to be your Ishiqa“. I said with a smile.

I can say anything tonight because I am drunk. The night is meant to be enjoyed, it is meant for pleasure and pain and a bit of happiness and a slight tint of sadness. A cocktail strong and dark enough to destroy everything. A night disastrous enough to erase my love for him.

Can you please walk straight? Don’t create a scene and don’t you dare cry. Your emotional drama is hard to bear. Do you understand that?” He mumbled while giving me support.

I looked at his face which was devoid of emotions. He didn’t feel for me, and it was quite evident in his rough touch. Situation changes, along with it relationships change. A slight fracture and the whole dam crumbles, and no matter what you do, the crack remains. The memories are always there; it doesn’t fade away. But yeah, we learn to lie that it no longer affects us. But deep down we all know the truth, don’t we?

I love you.” I said and closed my eyes, afraid of his response.

Don’t start the drama again; please don’t.” He clenched his teeth, and his grip around my waist tightened. His nails were digging deep into my skin, harsh enough to leave marks.

I need closure.” I said in a stern voice.

Why do you always need to complicate everything?” he asked raising his eyebrows skeptically.

Teach me how to unlove you. Teach me how to kill my feelings for you.” I asked pleadingly.

For a moment, he stared deep into my eyes. For the first time, I couldn’t understand those icy blue eyes. He brought his face closer to mine, our lips just an inch away. I closed my eyes as his lips touched mine. He pinned my body beneath him. His one arm caged my hands, and his other hand grabbed my hair. A kiss that tasted of anger, of lust, of regret, and of everything that is dark. I could taste his blood and mine. But tonight, we are not going to stop, no matter what, I want him all.

With a quick jerk, he turned me around and unzipped my dress. Slowly, he peeled the dress down, and I had to fight the urge to cover myself. The feathery touch of his cold fingers across my almost bare back was enough to make me damp between my legs. Without much ado, he unhooked my lacy bra with one swift move. I could see his eyes dilating and unconsciously, I pushed my breasts against him. He cupped my breast gently and I closed my eyes. His rough thumb kept rubbing back and forth the peak.

Filled with emotions, it was hard to control my body that now seemed to have a mind of its own. I ripped his shirt off and yanked out the belt and trousers, exposing his bulge. I was tensely excited.

The candlelight flickered shadows across his face, making him devilishly handsome. His subtle beard, his sharp jaw, his soft lips, his cold eyes, his heavy breathing and his thumping heart where I had no place.

He distracted me from my chain of thoughts by entering me with one quick thrust. He pushed my legs apart and then drove deeper, faster and harder, making the bed move with his every thrust. Running wild with lust, I scratched his back looking for support, trying to seek immense pleasure in the mild pain. Our sweaty body just moved at the right rhythm. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he quickened his pace, pleasure exploded inside my body, and for the next few seconds, his body tightened. And then his whole weight came crashing down on me.

He cupped my face for a moment and dropped his hand at that next very moment. I wasn’t drunk anymore; I was awake… wide awake..

I watched him as he wore his clothes hurriedly and tied his shoes.  An awkward silence prevailed the night that said so much. He was never good at hiding his worries, and all the stress was visible on his face. What did he do to deserve this? What did he do to deserve a girl like me? How can I bring so much agony to him? How could I do this to him?

I can’t love you because I …..

I silenced him with a soft kiss.

You don’t need to answer, Vivaan. You are free to go.

Thank you.” he said plainly and slammed the door behind.

I hoped that he will return one day. I waited and waited and kept waiting. I tried to unlove him, I tried to move on, and I tried for a new beginning, but yeah, I was still waiting.

Vivaan,

Loving you gave me sleepless nights, 

Loving you gave me sweet smiles, 

Loving you made me stronger, 

Loving you made me weaker, 

Loving you gave me a journey to remember.

 

 

 

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